Are Your Insecurities Worth Giving Up the Life You Want to Live?
Lanzarote 2012. One of my favorite photos of myself :)
What’s more important: the life you want to live or your insecurities?
A reality I have been wrestling with recently is that we are only given one life to live. One life. That is it. Sure, some people believe in heaven or afterlives or being reincarnated. But whatever your belief is, you still are only given one life in the body you are in right now.
Which led me to another reality that is troubling….the reality that I’m allowing my insecurities to dictate the way I’m living this one life I have to live.
To get real with you, I have spent the past decade of my life struggling with an eating disorder and body image insecurities, and I have allowed this to completely consume the way I live my life.
If I’m being 100% honest with myself and you, I’ve allowed this insecurity to hold me back in so many ways. It has kept me in on Saturday nights because I felt “too fat” to go out and be social. It has kept me from enjoying many experiences I would otherwise enjoy, all because of a fear that people would stare at me, secretly judging me for being “fat”. And it has kept me from developing certain relationships because I assume they will think I’m too “fat.” It has stripped me of my confidence, often times my happiness, and ultimately my love for myself.
Most of the decisions I’ve made in my 20’s, consciously or subconsciously, took my insecurities into account. And most often, if I were to release myself from these insecurities, the choices I would have made would have been completely different. Which means I’ve allowed my insecurities, consciously and subconsciously, to dictate the direction of my life. How crazy is that?
I’m actively working on releasing the control I’ve given my insecurities. When I feel them pushing to take over, I’ve found it extremely helpful to ask myself these three questions:
1. How would I live my life if these insecurities weren’t in my life?
What choices would I make? What opportunities would I go after? What experiences would I chase? What relationships would I cultivate? What would I do if were 100% free from my insecurities?
Would I have put myself out there more? Would I have dated that guy? Would I have carried myself differently?
To give you a real world example of how insecurities change the destiny our lives, I recently had a conversation with a friend. More than anything he wants to move out west but with his current job, but it doesn’t seem likely to happen. I told him to start applying for jobs out west and this led him to reveal his insecurity with me: He doesn’t believe he’s good enough at his job to get hired by another company.
His insecurity of “not being good enough” could potentially hold him back from ever living out his dream. One insecurity could change the complete outcome of his life.
Yet, if he were to let go of that insecurity, he could start applying for jobs and eventually fulfill his dream to live out west.
Isn’t that crazy? The life we want to live IS attainable, but often we let our insecurities take our lives in a completely different direction.
Now, before making any decisions, I always make sure to double check who is actually making the decision. Am I deciding to do or not do something, or is my insecurity deciding for me? I want to ensure I’m living my life based on decisions that are insecurity-free.
2. Are my insecurities worth the space they are taking up in my life?
If I really sit down to think about it…
Are these fears/worries really worth the loss of being able to fully experience this ONE LIFE I am given? Are they worth the energy? Are they worth the loss of confidence, self-worth, self-love, happiness and peace? Are they worth the distraught? Are they worth anything?
Hell no.
What I’m learning, and continuing to remind myself, is that I have so much more to offer this world than the things I’m insecure about. The world, myself, and even my life, isn’t going to be better if I have six-pack abs. Like…what does that even matter? Why I am I using so much of my physical and mental energy focusing on my insecurities when they don’t even really matter?
What if instead I used that energy to focus on different aspects of myself? What if I used it to focus more on how I make others feel? How I make myself feel? The things I love to do? The things I want to learn?
We all have limited space within us, so let’s make sure we are using that space wisely. We don’t want to fill it up with things that don’t matter and not leave room for the things that do.
And that leads me into the third question, something I always ask myself whenever my insecurities arise…
3. Are my insecurities supporting the life I want to live? And more importantly, are they even relevant to the life I want to live?
The answer to both is no.
I read this book recently by Kamal Ravikant – Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It – in which he says if you have negative feelings or thoughts arise within you, whatever they may be, simply tell yourself “not relevant” and move on. How brilliant is that?
For me, my body image issues are not supporting the life I want, nor are they even remotely relevant.
For example, my insecurities about my body have zero relevance to the impact I make on other people’s lives, on the amazing adventures I go on, or the success of my business.
So when I have days when my insecurities begin to take over, I remind myself that what my body looks like isn’t relevant to the life I want to live. I can do ALL the things I want without having a picture-perfect looking body.
I see you insecurities! And guess what? You’re not relevant!
Maybe you don’t have body image issues, but I know you have insecurities that you often allow to hold you back from living the life you truly want to live.
What is that thing that holds you back?
Whatever it may be, take a moment to zoom out and ask yourself the three questions above.
You are the one in control here. You can choose the life you want over your insecurities!
Living the life you want is far more important than giving in to senseless insecurities that will take you nowhere. Make the right choice between the two, give priority to what truly matters, and start living the life you want to live.
xx,
Chelsea